YWednesday, September 19, 2007
Today i've alot to say, you shall listen if you want. I'm alright. And firstly i'm sorry to someone in my class. alright. misunderstood him for so long.
Had english composition today, the topic was an great impact when you were small.. I immediatly think of that. This is what i wrote..
It was 14years from that fear already. It happened in my nanny house. My nanny was a good friend of my mother and i was sent to my nanny to be taken care of. It was a nightmare right from the start as i know that my mother had made the wrong choice. I was forced to study, and even not allowed to sleep. I have to swat outside her door till she's satisfy. I really thought of life and death then, since my parents don't event want to take care of me. So what the use of living in this world?
One day, i came back from school, getting bad result for test, fearing that my nanny would know. When she finally got to know it eventually, she got very angry. I standby the door of the kitchen witnessing her putting salt on cane. I was only 5year old then. Ignorant of what salt added to cane will be. She whack me like nobody business. These memories will stay forever in my mind as i know that i will revenge on her one day and will never treat my childrens like what my mom did. I did hate her for awhile, hate her for throwing me at my nanny house, but after all, she's still my mom. And no one know this, until i was 10, that i told my mom about it. She look like as if she don't believe it as the scar had disappeared after 3years of remained.
From this, i experience that actually nothing is important now in this world. That scar has deeply hurt me and from that onward, i fear pain. I don't wish to experience that pain once again and i believe that she will have have her retribution one day. Kinship, friendship, is nothing now..
That's what i wrote. This is what i really experience, and i'm sharing it. Although i know that much more people are suffering out there, mine was just a bit of pain. But, you'll never understand.. Cause you were not in my situation. I'm sorry for my childish action for the past, and i promised to change. Now i had change, to a totally different person. I look cold, unfriendly, and often scolded people off for nothing. I'm really so stressed up by work and my studies.
Went to study with melvin just now, we went to LJS to eat and study. And he only teach me a few questions? And he say he want me to pay for tution fee! I'm pretty fine. And i heard enough of these nonsense today. In english class. Stop bothering me can? I'm so fucked up. Scold me gay for all you like, i have no consecience to hide.
Last night, mom throw dad phones on the floor a couple of time. It must be my dad who went for drug again.. Why did i have this kind of dad? Why does he want to drug? WHY? WHY? I really can't stand it. He might dote on me, but he shouldn't have do this again and again! He make mom cry, in front of me. I'm really heartbroken, i do love my mom really much, with her past she did, i truly love her too.
Thanks fer reading, i really appreciate.
OHYA! guess what? I saw nizam on aaron block downstair! He's dashing with a girl beside. Haha.
& i just found out that there are so many childish people, can you all like grow up? i hardly believe it. you're laughing my ass off as all are just fool laughing at yourself. ROFLMAO(:
YYY
Time have proven everything, your loss of my remains.
http://www.biddinggoodbye.blogspot.com/
